When we met in 2002, my wife and I lived 300 km away from each other.
She lived in Nîmes.
And I was living in Toulouse.
For two years we lived a long-distance love relationship.
Today, we both live together.
How could our relationship last so long?
Was it easy?
In this article I offer you 12 tips to survive a long-distance relationship and, even better, to live this time to the fullest!
Yes, it is possible to create a happy long-distance relationship.
And yes, it will take some effort on your part.
But the reward is worth it !!!
love at a distance
1 – Loving distance: ask yourself the right questions
It is important to clarify your relationship as soon as possible.
What type of relationship do you want to have?
a friendly relationship?
do you want the other to be your boyfriend?
Do you want to get involved? Do you want to get married?
What does fidelity mean to you?
Where does infidelity begin?
Do you want an exclusive relationship or not?
If all the answers to these questions seem obvious to you, this is not necessarily the case for the other person.
How do you see your future?
Would you consider moving if the relationship becomes more serious?
Are there things you are afraid to say to the other person for fear of not being understood or, worse, being rejected?
Now is the time to say it, because the other person needs to be aware of the start of the relationship they are entering into.
Do you have any personal plans?
It was my wife who dared to set things straight from the beginning of our relationship.
I sincerely believe that this clarification is one of the good foundations of a couple of relationships.
2 – Loving distance: keeping in touch
Of course, everyone tells you that in a long-distance relationship, you have to keep in touch…
Okay, but how? How often? And what do I say???
Let’s already see how to keep in touch?
Nowadays, the means of communication are not lacking:
Voice over IP like Skype which allows you to call via the internet for free,
the text messages,
MMS, those messages to which you can add sound, images, and even videos,
instant messaging with or without a webcam,
How often should we contact each other?
If this is not possible then call as often as possible.
When I say to call each other, I mean to contact each other either by phone or by Skype: so in person!
If you can’t call each other every day: make a weekly appointment. For example, every Friday evening book the evening just for the two of you.
It’s very important to keep in touch. It helps to maintain an emotional connection.
These appointments create a framework for the relationship.
Let us know if you can’t call so that you don’t worry about the other person.
Stay calm if your friend doesn’t call you anymore: a stolen cell phone, a battery problem, a broken alarm clock happens so quickly.
To avoid the routine, vary the means of communication: an unexpected SMS, a surprise email.
It doesn’t cost anything and it’s fun: it means I’m thinking of you! 🙂
Also think about sending surprise gifts without any particular reason, especially if it’s your partner’s language of love!
For the record, I made my wife cry by giving her a camera sent via Amazon.
How long should I call?
Regularity is more important than quantity.
Sometimes you’ll have a lot to talk about and other times you’ll simply have nothing to talk about.
And that’s normal.
We will see in the following article that it is possible to stay on the phone without necessarily having something to say to each other.
To give you an idea, I’ll give you the habits we had when we lived our love relationship at a distance.
We would call each other every noon to find out how the morning went and what we had planned for the afternoon and evening. Duration: 5 to 15 minutes.
In the evening we called each other to find out how the day went and to discuss further. Duration: 30 minutes to 3 hours!
But what can we tell each other on the phone?
Talk about your victories,
of your defeats,
of your fears,
of your joys,
talk about your past, your present, your future,
ask for advice,
full of ideas in my book “Who are you, my love?”.
Don’t worry, not every discussion is profound.
They can also be fun, offbeat, and even naughty!
3 – Love distance: positive
Yes, you’re lucky to be in a long-distance relationship!
Thanks to the long-distance relationship, you have several advantages over more traditional relationships:
You have more time for your friends,
you have more time for your family,
you have more time for your projects,
you have more time for your career plans,
you have more time for your sports, cultural and leisure activities,
you have more time for YOU!
you have the pleasure of seeing each other again after a long absence. When you’re in a couple, you tend to want to do everything together, which is a big mistake: you choke and annoy each other, sometimes to the point of not even supporting each other anymore!
You have time to think and don’t get carried away too quickly. This avoids getting carried away at the slightest badly received message: a dry SMS, a critical email,…
Remember that this long-distance relationship is temporary. You have decided on the course of events from the beginning of your relationship.
Your positivism is very important because it breathes an air of security and happiness into your relationship.
4 – Loving distance: do things together (at the same time!)
When you are a couple in the same house or apartment, you can do lots of things together without really needing to be in the same room.
Want some examples?
watch the same movie on a TV channel at the same time!
reading the same book.
listen to the same music at the same time. You can also listen to your music via your phone.
play a multiplayer online game. Here is a very funny music quiz: en.massivemusicquiz.com
cooking together. Take a picture of your dishes and write down the best!
set the alarm clock at the same time to wake up at the same time.
Synchronize yourself for certain activities and you’ll feel like you’re doing them together: running at the same time, doing your shopping at the same time, etc…
A fun game to test tomorrow:
Synchronize your watches so they’re at the same time. It also works with mobile phones!
Set your watch to ring at a certain time: 6:27 p.m. for example.
When it rings, think of the other one.
and feast your eyes on the fact that the other is thinking of you too !!! I can see a smile on your face! 🙂
Loving distance: he’s thinking of me!
5 – Distance in love: trust yourself
Never call him to spy on him.
You don’t have the right to control the other one.
Give him his freedom.
Call regularly, every day is good and it’s good for the couple, but calling every hour … no!
If you can’t help it, work on your self-confidence (because that’s where the problem comes from) otherwise you risk suffocating the other one.
Let your partner go to his parties and trust him.
Don’t ask him/her for a detailed report of his/her evenings: with him/her was? With whom did he/she talk? Etc…
Anyway, don’t fall into the trap of sickly jealousy.
Be happy when he/she is having fun.
Don’t prevent him/her from having a social life and take care of yours as well!
6 – Distance in love: challenge yourself!
Here’s a great way to wait until you meet again.
Here are a few examples:
Do 100 push-ups,
cut his cigarette consumption in half,
learn how to make a rather difficult dish (it seems that women know how to conquer a man: by the belly!!!),
play a song on the guitar,
lose 10 pounds.
These challenges have two big advantages:
they make you wait until your next appointment,
motivate you to achieve your goals
7 – Loving Distance: Build your Future
Discuss your plans, your dreams, your goals as a couple.
How do you see yourself in 10 years? Where do you see yourself? Who do you see yourself with? Any children? In what environment?
This will give you the motivation to continue your efforts for your couple because you know that there is a future together and you visualize it!
8 – Loving distance: regain strength.
Sometimes the trials of married life are hard.
Sometimes you would be ready to drop everything to go and see if the grass is greener elsewhere (nothing is less sure…).
To keep hope, courage, and strength, remember the good times.
How do you do that?
Thanks to photos where you are together, happy, and smiling.
Create an album with you and your companion in your most beautiful moments.
Yes… he is beautiful, I love him and I want to continue to live with him.
Yes, she is beautiful, I love her and I want to continue to live with her.
No, I won’t let this argument, this annoyance, this ordeal spoil everything. We’ve had so many happy moments and there are many more to come!
My wife gave me an album with photos of her and us. I liked to look at it to remember my love for her, especially in my moments of doubt.
distance means so little when someone means so much
9 – Distance in love: find each other again
A long-distance relationship can only work if you can see and touch each other.
Define together a frequency at which you will see each other and stick to it!
Organize yourself to meet physically as often as possible.
The two biggest barriers to your appointments are:
There are ways to travel economically: buying tickets in advance and carpooling.
That’s what my wife and I have been doing for 2 years.
Carpooling has several advantages:
economical: costs are divided by the number of passengers,
fast: time goes by faster because you can chat with other carpoolers,
nice: you’re going to meet people,
Conveniently, the driver can pick you up and drop you off at a location more convenient for you than the train station or airport.
My tip to make life easier from a distance: Google calendar.
This electronic agenda allows you to know what your free weekends are, what important appointments the other has (doctor, maintenance, car repair, etc…) and therefore to quickly find a weekend for the two of you!
10 – Distance in love: your totem
Exchange an object that you can touch, look at, the smell to remember that the other is present in your life.
It is an object that reassures you and brings you closer to the other.
It can be anything you want:
A piece of jewelry: necklace, ring, watch, bracelet…
a stuffed toy,
a piece of clothing from the other: a t-shirt, a sweater, or… other…
My wife kept a shirt that I left at home. Mine was her photo album.
distance in love: a two-way effort
11 – Lover’s distance: the couple is a two-way effort
Work for a balanced relationship between partners.
A relationship must be built on solid foundations:
to make it work.
Everyone has to put in the same amount of effort.
Both partners must have reasonable expectations and be willing to cooperate to ensure that the relationship leads to a successful outcome.
Don’t forget to ask questions.
If you don’t have questions, the other partner may think you are less interested in him or her.
12 – Loving distance: take care of your intimacy
When you get together, make sure you are both alone to enjoy this special moment.
Don’t forget that you can also share moments of intimacy from a distance: by phone and webcam…
Do you live or have you lived in a long-distance relationship?
What tips have you used to make your relationship last?
What were your mistakes?